Not so Mr Nice Guy....

MARY BLANDYDirector Brian FarnhamBBCTV...
Im off to the West Country for a couple of days to say some words and do some business.
Brian is looking for a hangman and for some reason picks on me. (As if)
I Travel down by train one evening to the location to get an early start the next morning.
At breakfast Im introduced to some of the cast. We all sit together and have a hearty breakfast (Its all jolly, jolly)..
It now seems I wont be used till later in the day so I sit and watch them filming other scenes for a couple of hours until I hear the village church clock strike 11 am.
Now, do I sit in the church or the village pub opposite?... (No contest)
I decided to sit outside the pub with a pint of the black stuff and could see the crew just across the fields. After a while some of the crew that werent involved in the scenes joined me. It doesnt get much better than this.
After lunch at the catering wagon I ask what time will they get to my scenes..
Itll be a few hours yet So with a full belly I decide to have a nap on the grass..
(The suns shining, the bellys full and Im being paid. Its a hard life but someones got to do it.) About six pm after tea and cakes theyre ready for me
Victoria Fairbrother has her hands tied behind her back and I help her up a ladder so I can put a noose around her neck.
This is the same lady Ive had breakfast, lunch and tea with.
Now my lines come If you would please Miss to take another step up the ladder
Because the rope cant reach your neck She replies For the sake of decency, Sir, please do not hang me high
The noose is put in place, I pull the ladder away and she swings through the air.
(WHAT A NICE BASTARD I AM)

Aitch,
:ham